Leaps of logic

How do you turn a good news football story into a negative anti-soccer one?

Here is a piece from, where else, the Melbourne Herald Sun, in the 'Soccer' sports section:

Fans switch on for switched-off Socceroos

July 10, 2007 12:00am
AUSTRALIA'S wobbly draw against Oman in its first group game of the Asian Cup attracted an average audience of 345,000, making it one of the biggest sporting events in subscription television history.

The figures don't include those who watched it at pubs and clubs.

......OK thats a great story - a huge TV audience for a game against a relative unknown football nation, and an acknowledgment that many more are watching in clubs and pubs or at Conaldo's place.

This came on top of Seven's coverage of the Essendon-Geelong game which was the highest-rating Friday night home-and-away match in Melbourne (500,000) since Collingwood played Port Adelaide at Telstra Dome in Round 14, 2005 (572,000).

Ummm, what do you mean 'came on top of'...? That game was on free to air, accessible to every Aussie with a TV set...

Watching the soccer got us wondering

here we go.....

about those flares you sometimes see at games.

Noooo? really what a surprise - I wouldnt have expected such a train of thought from you!

Did you know the basic flare costs about $60 and prices can soar to as much as $120 for the rocket variety?

Did you have to look that up on google or ring around a few places to make this story take up an extra few cms on the web page?

So where do kids get the money to let them off at soccer matches? They don't. Most are stolen from boats.

Oh touche, touche - of course they are, and that means that the Pay TV television audience was so big (remember that train of thought?) because....ummmm......the kids who go to football matches steal flares from boats...

RIGHT!

But thats not enough to fill the 'soccer' story quota for our Herald Sun reporter.

A VIETNAMESE man was killed in an accident as he drove his motorbike through Hanoi to celebrate his country's Asian Cup victory against the United Arab Emirates.

The man died yesterday when he crashed into a traffic sign.

Be warned..watching 'soccer' and celebrating a victory can be hazardous to your health, and may cause you to swim in frigid Melbourne waters to steal fireworks out of boats, then drive erratically through the streets of Hanoi without a helmet on.